I am here still standing. I am still waiting for you to come back and tell me that you have missed me all this time half of what I have missed you. I am silly, so silly. But the truth is that when you were left I really understood it. I loved you. All this time I'd loved you. You had me smiling whenever you sent me a message, you had me smiling whenever I saw you, you had me smiling always and I wasn't conscious of what was happening. It is true that nowadays it is a waste to say these words because what happened is now irreversible, it hurts to say it, it hurts to know it and it hurts to be aware that this is what I will have to deal with for a long time. Do you see the pain? It is consuming me, I need you, more than ever. I need you and I love you.

I dream about you kissing me when you obviously aren't, I see you when you aren't there, I seem to hear your voice when it's not, I think I've stopped loving you when I haven't.

I think that the worst was at the beginning but it hasn't ceased to be. It is true that I may have been thinking a little less about you lately but you are still on my mind. You always cloud one of my thoughts and I hate it.

I seem a little selfish if I say I want you, but I truly do.

Cuando pierdes a alguien, alguien que quieres, cuando te rompen el corazón, es lo peor por lo que podrías pasar, y no importa cuando tiempo haya pasado, siempre permanece. Puedes llegar a pensar que lo has superado, pero entonces tienes un flashback, o escuchas una canción que te hace pensar en un recuerdo, y te sobreviene todo de golpe, otra vez, como una estaca en el corazón. Te desmoronas por milésima vez, y nada más deseas esconderte debajo de las piedras y nunca salir. Quieres a esta persona con todo tu corazón, aunque sabes que no deberías. Te hieren como nunca nadie ha hecho antes. Te robó la felicidad, pero aun así, aun le quieres, y solo a él. Otra gente llega a tu vida y te dan esperanzas de seguir adelante, pero sabes que no quieres. Te molesta la idea de que puedas llegar a salir adelante, porque prometiste que nunca lo harías. Y aunque él haya roto todas sus promesas, tu no quieres romper las tuyas. Encima de todo eso, estás asustada. Asustada de salir herida de nuevo. Pero no es que importe de todas maneras. Y al final del día sigues pensando en esa persona que te ha dejado completamente rota. No quieres hecharle más de menos. No quieres amarle nunca más, pero sabes que siempre lo harás.

When you lose someone, someone you love, when they break your heart, it's the hardest thing you could ever go through, and no matter how much time has passed, it never really goes away. You may think you're getting better, but then you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of a memory, and it hits you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest. You fall apart for the hundreth time, and you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and never come out. You love this person with all of your heart, even though you know you shouldn't. They hurt you worse than you've ever been hurt. They stole your happiness. But yet, you still want them, and only them. Other people come along and give you chances to move on, but you know you don't want to. It upsets you that you might be moving on, because you promised you never would. And even if they broke all of their promises, you want to keep yours. On top of that, you're terrified. Terrified of getting hurt again. But it's not like that matters anyway. At the end of the day you're still thinking about that person who has left you completely broken. You don't want to miss them anymore. You don't want to love them anymore, but you know you always will.

I like it and at the same time I dislike it,

How can be so, I wonder daily but I never get a rational answer.

Even though I know for sure  that i like the hot tea, I dislike the cold one. We are talking about the same, but in different states. 

Well, I like you, specially when you smile at me, when you wink at me, when you make me laugh, when you look at me and I dont even notice, when I get butterflies, when I really don't like something you do and you just stop doing it just to please me, when you make me blush, when you know I'm cold and you lend me your jacket, you even like me when you pester me.

But at the same time I dislike you, when you make me cry, when you make me suffer, when I expect so much from you but nothing ever happens, when you doesn't kiss me even though I wish for it, when you make me angry, when we shout at eachother but above all I really dislike when we don't talk.

If you realise, I adore the love and I despise the hate, but if we think about it, between hot and cold tea there's just some minutes of difference, so between love and hate there's the same.

And If there's something I know for sure is that I don't like reheated tea, what it's more, I despise it, the flavour it's not the same and you wonder how you let the tee cool down.

Me agrada y a la vez desagrada.

Cómo puede ser, me lo pregunto diariamente pero nunca obtengo una respuesta racional.

Aunque tengo claro que el té me gusta caliente pero me desagrada frío. Hablamos de lo mismo, simplemente en diferentes formas.

Pues bien, me gustas, aunque especialmente cuando me sonríes, cuando me guiñas el ojo, cuando me haces reír, cuando me miras y no soy consciente, cuando me haces sentir mariposas, cuando sabes que algo no me gusta y lo dejas de hacer solo para complacerme, cuando me haces sonrojar, cuando sabes que tengo frío y me prestas tu chaqueta,  incluso me gustas cuando me chinchas. 

Pero a la vez me desagradas cuando me haces llorar, cuando me haces sufrir, cuando espero demasiado de ti y nunca ocurre nada, cuando no me besas a pesar de que lo desee, cuando me haces enfadar, cuando nos gritamos pero sobretodo no me gusta que no nos hablemos.  

Si te das cuanta, adoro el amor y desprecio el odio, pero si reflexionamos, entre el té caliente y el frío encontramos solo unos minutos de diferencia, pues entre el amor y el odio lo mismo. 

Y si algo tengo claro es que no me gusta el té recalentado, es más, lo desprecio, el sabor ya no es el mismo y te preguntas cómo dejaste que se enfriase.

-How do you know when it's over?

-Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories that with the person standing in front of you.

He had those moments, but it was rare, I'm starting to wonder if they were even real. Sometimes I just think it was nothing but a dream; all the good things, you know? It doesn't really feel good when you realize you can't do anything fot the person you love the most. It's devasting. I was so naive to believe there was something I coulds actually do for him. Well, all I did was fall, and fall really hard for him. I lost my time, my sleep, my mind, my rationality, and for what? 

Nothing but a few drinks and laughs along the night, followed by a quick apology and footsteps running out the door.

(Tubo esos momentos, pero fue raro, me estoy empezando a preguntar si fueron reales. A veces creo que fue solamente un sueño; todas la buenas cosas, sabes? No sienta realmente bien cuando te das cuenta de que no puedes hacer nada por la persona que realmente quieres. Es devastador. Fui tan ingenua al creer que había algo que podía hacer por él. Bueno, todo lo que hice fue enamorarme, enamorarme profundamente de él. Perdí mi tiempo, mi sueño, mi mente, mi irracionalidad, y para que?

Nada más que unas cuantas bebidas y risas a lo largo de la noche, seguido de una disculpa rápida y unos pasos saliendo por la puerta.)

I was so in love. Do you know what I'm talking about? The kind of love where the sun could shine or not shine all day long and you wouldn't care. The kind of love that makes you jump in the pool in December. The kind of love that makes you want to dance in the rain.

(Estaba muy enamorada. Sabes de lo que hablo? La clase de amor donde el sol podía brillar o no brillar en todo el día y que no te importara. La clase de amor que te hace saltar a la piscina en diciembre. La clase de amor que te hace querer bailar bajo la lluvia.)

You knew that by that time was when i need you the most. You didn't care, not at all, because you didn't love me as I loved you. Maybe I knew it from the start but I pretended not to cause I was blinded by the love. Now I'm not blind but heartbroken. I know, It has been almost two years but love is never destroyed inside us, it's just changed of splace in our memories.

(Sabías que en ese momento era cuando te necesitaba más. No te importó, en absoluto, porque tu no me querías tanto como yo te quería. A lo mejor lo sabía desde el principio pero pretendí que no porque estaba cegada por el amor. Ahora no estoy ciega sino con el corazón roto. Lo sé, han sido casi dos años pero el amor no es nunca destruido dentro de nosotros, solo lo cambiamos de lugar en nuestra memoria.)